How we hold the string.. is the answer.
Ok, let’s say you and I hold each edge of a string.
Our goal is to hold onto it so that we can co-exist.
Imagine that the string represents our communication, the way we interact with each other. This will determine the course and future of our coexistence. You see from the moment we decided to hold a string together, we entered into some kind of a relationship with each other.
So what is our repertoire of actions?
- Pull hard
- Pull soft
- Hold loose
- Hold firm
- Let go
- Just hold
Now imagine these options, in all possible combinations between us.
And bear in mind, we are a dynamic system now. Our choices of action will directly and instantly affect the other. We have created a unique chance to share, exchange, learn from each other and grow.
So don’t you ever say to me again that you are not responsible for how I feel. Hell yeah, you are! And I am equally responsible for how you feel. This is a defining feature of any relationship – this is the beauty and the essence of it all!
But anyway, the point here is – can you see how hard is to achieve harmony in our joint movements?
And we are only just holding a string..
In real life, perhaps we hold a job together, a friendship, a personal relationship. And in these set ups, we don’t just bring the edge of a string. We bring the sum of who we are: our past experiences, our beliefs and values, our fears and needs, our own agendas. You name it!
There are quite few significant variables suddenly here, won’t you agree?
Can you see how the complexity increases? Can you see how the success of a natural congruous interaction even between just two people suddenly becomes an against-the-odds mission?
Dissonance is arguably easier but consonance requires presence and perseverance.
The latter leads to something worth holding on.
It is not disposable because it has become meaningful.
This is to have succeeded.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr Patapia Tzotzoli founded My Psychology Clinic where she gained her reputation working as Clinical Psychologist with clients on one to one basis in London and worldwide via online therapy. She specialises in adult mental health and couples therapy. Studied at the universities of East London, Oxford and Cambridge and trained at the Institute of Psychiatry where she worked across world-renowned NHS Trusts.
Click here to book an online session or in person with Dr Patapia Tzotzoli at My Psychology Clinic.